Mrs. CPA

Second Place is First Loser

Today, at TP's office they had a chili and cornbread cookoff.  Since my chili normally involves a can of chili seasoning and some beans and hamburger meat, I decided that that we would go with the cornbread category.  I don't like regular cornbread, unless it's in dressing, and my mom has always made Mexican Cornbread, that's what we went with. 

We won second prize!!  Woot!!! 

You dear readers, can also benefit from my mad cooking skillz.

  This goes well with any Mexican dish or casserole.  It's also good with Chili, Red Beans and Rice or for breakfast (well, I like it for breakfast, anyway). 

It's very moist, and the guys love it.

Mexican Cornbread

2 heaping cups of self rising cornmeal

2 eggs

One medium onion, diced

One can of cream style corn

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1 cup whole milk

small jar of diced pimento

2 cups of grated Cheddar cheese (I normally grate my own because it tastes better, but you can always use the bagged kind.)

Nacho (pickled) jalapenos, to taste (you can use regular ones, but use sparingly, they can make this too hot in a second), I use about 10-12 circles for regular folks, coarsely chopped

Combine all the ingredients in a large mixing bowl.  I normally bust up the eggs in a seperate container first, and then pour them in so they get mixed well. If it looks too dry, you can add another egg or a little bit of milk and oil, not very much.

Pour into a Pam'ed 9x13 baking dish and bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes, or until bottom is slightly browned.

When done, slice off several pats of butter and put it on top to melt.  You can make this a day or so in advance, it tastes just as good warmed up in the oven or toaster oven. It makes about 12-15 slices.   

Public service announcements after the jump...

Stop... It's Pumpkin Time

When I was kid, we never carved our pumpkins until the night before Halloween.  Where we lived, they would turn to mush in a matter of days so we waited as long as possible to cut into them.  I can remember being so excited sitting on the newspaper covered floor thinking about what I was going to do that year with my vast expanse of orange canvas.  And how proud I was to sit on the front steps with my brother and sister, my smile as wide as the jack-o-lantern's, my arm around my creation.  After Halloween, we would go to the un-guardrailed bottom-of-a-boxcar bridge and ceremoniously dump them over the side (this was also the repository for Easter eggs after they had been hunted to death.) 

I got pumpkins on Sunday and my mom "held" (and by held, I mean controlled his wiggles for as long as she could) Mr. Cheeks while I cut out the bottom and pulled all the guts out.  This is one of those things that I hope our family can share until Mr. Cheeks and all his siblings go off to college.   
I can't wait for him to reach in and pull all the guts out himself.   He liked feeling the gunk I pulled out and also wanted the pumpkin to have a taste of his passie.

We also decided what Eleanor would be for halloween:

A pissed off dog with some fisher-price beads around her head.  Can you see the quiet fury in her eyes?  I'm sorry to say big girl, but this will probably be one of the many indiginites you have to suffer at the hands of a child.

TP was absent because he had to keep the nursey at the church for a meeting.  When I called to ask him to pick up a Coke for my mom on his way home, I tried to convince him that I had cut off my finger while carving the pumpkin.  I lost it though, when he said, "how bad?" and I said "like, the whole finger."  I was going to tell him that I was preserving it in some milk until he got home, but I was laughing too hard. 

The whole set is here.   

Margaritas Bring out the Best in Me

We made our trek to Huntsville on Saturday to eat supper with JoyLynn and her family.  We had an awesome time.  Mr. Cheeks and Tyler were very good.  The food was good.  The margaritas were good.  The company was excellent.   I'm so glad we got to go, and I hope JoyLynn feels the same, that she comes to visit us soon.  Tyler is only a month older than Mr. Cheeks, as evidenced by the fact that Mr. Cheeks found the kids menu paper an endless source of amusement and Tyler was interested in big boy things, like puffs.  I managed to not get food on myself, not spill anything (Tyler did make a grab for his Dad's Diet Coke, and tumped it over), and to not tell TP to hurry up with his stories (that man can drag out a story like no one else).  And then I slept the whole way home. 

Our waitress was actually interested in our kids and was very sweet.  Even when I mixed up the green beans, rice and chicken monstrosity Mr. Cheeks had for dinner.  I think, as bloggers, we spend lots of time hearing from other bloggers about how no one cares about our kids, or wants to see pictures of them, or that mommybloggers suck.  This sweet girl really liked talking to us about what our kids were going to be for Halloween and more importantly, how cute they were.  She said that when she had kids she hoped that she had a friend that had a similarly aged baby.  I think was is most striking about that is that she knew our families were friends.  She had no idea that we had never laid eyes on each other in person.  I think that is the true testament to what so many of us do every day.  That the words and pictures are fun and meaningful, but when we meet, it's like we already know each other, the meeting is just a formality.   

Thanks JoyLynn, for making my Saturday. 

Pictures blow the fold...

It was a Dark and Stormy Night...

(Well, really it was about 5:15 on a perfectly sunny Monday afternoon.)

So yesterday, I was driving to the gym after a long day at the office of adding shit up (very smelly), and there were a bunch of police cars on the opposite side of the road.  The traffic on this particular street is stop and go anyway, as the street is curvy and is only two lanes.  I was approaching the four lane portion of the road, and had about 1/2 a mile until I got to the gym.  I was thinking about what I was going to blog about for Tuesday and was replaying all of the weekend stuff that happened (new car seats and outlet mall shopping, also $$$$$$$$$), what had happened on Sunday (my sister calling because she thinks that one of my nephews could have been abused at some point in the past) or the breakfast we had that morning for one of my coworkers birthdays (which always leads to some type of crazy conversation).

A Day Late, and a Dollar Short

Like always.

One year ago, yesterday, I sat at my desk, went to Blooger and started this blog.  Then I talked about bacon. (I had bacon twice today, and no I'm not pregnant.) 

My sporadic attempts at posting tapered off in December and I moved on to bigger and better things, like more bacon and tax season.  Then I had a baby. (I can hear the collective internets now, *Gasp!* "I had no idea, since you never speak of this child!")  I came back to the blog world and found a community, friends from which I have grown to eagerly anticipate each new word from, even one of my college professors, and a plagiarizer (my claim to fame semi-recognizability).  As I look back through my archives, there's a lot of fluff there.  So readers, in the coming year, I promise to be more substantive in my posting and think deeper thoughts, and oh hell, who am I kidding, I'm going to be talking about the same shit I always have.  But it's still going to be funny (It is, right?  I hope it is.) 

Merry Blogging to all and to all a good ...Weekend? 

Whatever.  Happy Blogday to me. 

Ha! You thought you were getting away without any pictures didn't ya?  Fooled you...

Cookie Makin'

Recipe for Disaster...

Ingredients:
1 overly tired and possibly grouchy CPA on October 15th, said yes to cookie making
3 trips to the grocery store
1 assistant director (AD)of Mr. Cheeks Daycare center who got confused when I said I would help with the Halloween party, not the new director meeting /reception
1 glass of pre-mixed margaritas, gold variety
1 husband to watch munchkin
Actual cookie ingredients

Directions:
Type "no" response to AD's request for cookies.  Delete and say "sure!"  Kick own ass. 
Go to grocery store on Sunday afternoon at 5 o'clock (after nap)
Tear open package of butter flavored Crisco* to get cookie recipe, while looking around furtively for grocery store police 
Put chocolate chips and butter flavored Crisco in buggy, also brown sugar.
Get distracted because cans of Similac in the old packaging are on sale FOR HALF PRICE.  Put four in buggy. 
Cashier apologizes for opened Crisco package, have to tell her I did it myself.
Call husband upon exiting store to relate good formula fortune.  Also call Nan.  (Shut up.  Half price formula is AWESOME.)
Make husband unload groceries, including the approximately 421 jars of baby food. 
Get out mixer.  Clean dust off mixer. 
Gather ingredients. 
Um, not enough vanilla, also thought I was almost out of sugar, not flour.
Get in car, go to Piggly Wiggly.
Start mixing ingredients.  Realize I have no baking soda. 
Say lots of bad words.
Get back in car, go to closer, fancy grocery store, hoping for some yellow Arm & Hammer boxes.
Find baking soda.  Only in Freezer/Fridge pack, pay my .85 and get the hell out of there.
Go home, realize that baking soda does not have ingredients listed, could possibly contain some toxic deodorizer like rat poison, look on Internet.  Can't find anything.  Think, "It's only 1/4 teaspoon, probably won't kill anyone."
Put in bowl. 
Read wrong end of recipe card.  Put in three cups of flour instead of 1 3/4 cup.  Do math and scoop out extra.  (This takes a long time.  Math is hard.)
Pour last glass of margarita. 
Finish mixing cookies, put on pan.
Toast third pan of cookies because of Internet distraction.
Make second batch. 
Make TP "test" a cookie for possible toxic/death causing chemical in baking powder.
Does not clutch throat in death throes; Deem cookies save for consumption.
Assemble on platter.  Pray that no one dies, or says the cookies taste like ass. 

Bake at 672 degrees, since it is OCTOBER AND IT IS 80 DEGREES OUTSIDE AND THE OVEN MAKES MY HOUSE HOT, for 3.5 hours.  Hope for the best. 

*(This makes the best cookies, also does not taste good raw, so no sampling)

Dear Jesus,

(and that would be this Jesus*)

Would you please tell teh Internets to quit with the "new website here" and "I have a new blog there" and "I also write here"?  Because I want to read them all and I HAVE NO MORE TIME!!!**

And while I'm asking, can you make me stop using so many parentheses and quotation marks (and it looks like I had better add footnotes to the list now)?  That would be great.  Also, spelling help.  (I know I've been praying for that one for awhile, since, like, second grade, but I'm still holding out.***)

But thank you for this:

Also help him with the spelling. 

Thanks,

Kelly

*I can not bring myself to type the actual title of the site this post links to because it is too blasphemous for even my blackened little immortal soul, but still funny.  Also, Donna would read it and think that I never learned anything in the Honors college.  As if she couldn't tell by my grammar already...

** I entered in my time today for the past two weeks.  Since September 29th I have billed 125 hours.  That does not include the non-billable recruiting, lunch eating, or helping other staff people.  I told you I was busy. 

*** Wouldn't it be awesome if God used parentheses?  "Jesus Wept." (like that little kid you pushed down on the playground when you were seven, and mister, we are going to have a talk about that when you get here and you will possibly have an extended waiting period for heavenly entry.)

They Got Me Too

Morons.

If you want to know if they got you too, go here.  They have only gotten the stuff that I have on Blogger, but still.  Those are MY WORDS.  So suck it, Spanish Morons. 

And what pisses me off even more is that you're reading this instead of seing that cute baby below jumping his little heart out.

They got you, Silly Hily.

Jumpin' Bean

This is olympic material folks.

(We don't normally store diapers and wipes in the dining room.  TP went to Sam's this monring.  And yes, that is my country ass voice.  That popping noise you hear is the spring being stretched to it's limit.) 

 

Ice, Ice, Baby

Too cold, too cold...

I know I am busy, but I thought I would let you all have a glimpse of my new tee shirt.  It's sort of distorted, you'll just have to work around the boobs. 

Every accountant needs one of these!  Buy one for the accountant in your life, today!

(Can you tell I'm drunk on the "I've been at the office too long" drink?  When our secretary came in to work today, she caught a homeless man pooping behind our building.  Nothing says "Good Morning!" like homeless man ass.  It's almost as bad as the bookeeper smoke break that resulted in seeing gay sex on our back ramp.  We're moving soon.)