Mrs. CPA

We'll Probably Just Walk Around in Circles Now

There's the freshman 15 and its evil cousin the tax season 20.  I vowed that I wouldn't succumb to it this year, and frankly, I'm still a fat ass from the 60 pounds I gained when I was pregnant.  I promised myself last year when I packed up my summer clothes that this year, when I got them out again, I would be able to, you know, actually fit some of them on my body without grimacing. 

When our gym, the Jewish Community Center, sent out a flyer about a new program, their very own Biggest Loser, I thought, "Well crap, I can spend my lunch hours there instead of stuffing my face."  And I paid my money and signed up. 

It was set up as a group of 8 people who would meet once a week with a trainer for an hour long session, and we would also be expected to do other stuff on our own, including classes offered at the gym, and keeping a food diary.  Let me just say that I have SUCKED at the food diary.  Mainly because I keep a running total in my head, also FitDay doesn't really keep Mexican Pizzas, Wendy's and margaritas in it's listings of food choices to add to your daily intake.  And looking up the nutritional content is depressing, and damn, I really don't want to know that crap.  76% of your daily intake of sodium in one meal?  Why, yes I would like fries with that.

I've lot some weight and gained a bunch of muscle and upped my endurance 50 times what it was by going to sometimes twice weekly meetings with our trainer, and doing the spinning class, which will kick your ass three ways to Thursday.  My face is still red from exertion 45 minutes after the class is over.  I'm not where I want to be, but I'm better, and I've fit in to some of those clothes I unpacked last week.  In a word I'm awesomer than I was, but not a hott mama yet. 

We only have a few more weeks of training left, and the remaining members of my group, who now number 7, all look and feel much better than we did when we started.  And I've learned how to use those damn machines that look so foreboding.  And those giant balls are actually used for something other than just rolling around on like a kid.  Who knew?

Our trainer has come up with some really ingenious ways to keep us moving without making me yawn.  Let, me tell you, when a gym rat gets out paper plates, don't think he's handing out Krispy Kremes.  It's hard, ya'll.  Maybe one day you can have a video of me dragging myself across the floor with my feet in paper plates, hoping like hell I don't fall on my face.  It's not pretty. 

Today, our trainer had out the benches they use for step class and we were supposed to jump over each one and then run, football drill style, up the other side.  This is after we had already done four trips up and down the stairs, two at a time, with three laps around the studio.

The girl in front of me is walking over the benches instead of jumping, and our trainer says, "Ok, Anne," and she jumps. 

And her heel catches on the edge of the bench and she goes down. 

At first I was going to help her up, until I SAW THE BONE STICKING OUT OF HER LEG AND SHE STARTED SCREAMING. 

Yes, she had a compound fracture, and no it was not pretty.  We had to call the ambulance, and I sat there and held her hand and tried to calm her down while she screamed until they came.  And our poor trainer was about to faint.  I know he thinks it is his fault, but they had a conversation before the session started about her wanting to be pushed harder, he said he wasn't going to take any excuses anymore.  He looked like he was about to cry for her. 

Of course all the people who were not in the studio could hear the commotion and got off their cardio machines to see what in the hell was happening.  Needless to say our workout was cut short as we waited for the ambulance. 

It was a pretty wild day.  And the poor guest in our class, who was in charge of T-shirts for a Jewish Community Center Fundraiser, had already had a bad enough day when she realized that instead of "Chip Shots Photography"  as a sponsor, 150 shirts said "Chip Shits Photograpy" and she only has until Saturday to get them all fixed.  Not as bad as a broken leg, but still pretty , um, shitty.

I tried to call and check on Anne this afternoon, but the front desk didn't know anything, and the others who would know, were already gone for the day.  Hopefully I'll find out something tomorrow when I go for RPM.    

It could have totally been me on that floor instead of her. 

Now With Less Actual Content!

CPA Mom E-mailed me these oh..., on April 6th.  I'm finally getting to them.  I had such hopes of responding before now, but of course, I didn't.  It's not because I don't love you CPA Mom (who is also always on the ball with birthdays and anniversaries.  When I am not.  Ever. Because I can never remember to buy a card.)

1)  When you have a bad day at work, it is usually because...

     Normally it is my own fault.  I've done something dumb and my boss catches it.  He's not a yeller, but he lets you know that you've done something wrong.  It's that quiet disapproval that gets to me.  The "Dad" look that says "I'm disappointed in you" makes me want to just pack up my things and go home.   

2)  Have you ever met a famous person?

     Does Bill Clinton count?  My brother and I, as wee, like, 12 year olds worked in Little Rock on his campaign several times in his first election.  Then, our Choir Tour sang in the East Room of the White House one summer.  Then we went out to the Rose Garden where we sang again for President Clinton and he shook all of our hands. 

  I had a friend in college who was a non-traditional student who was also an Opera singer.  She got invited to sing at Christmas in Washington, and four of us trecked off up there in her Geo Tracker.  We all helped work at the place getting things ready while she was practicing.  We met Glenn Close (who was the host), Shirley Cesear, Thomas Hampson(who was HOTT), Aaliyah (this was a couple years before she was super famous, and then she was in that plane crash), Deana Carter (who didn't know the words to "Winter Wonderland" and wanted to change songs), and The Hansons(the littlest one was really loud and hyper and screamed a lot).  During the program taping, I was in charge of making sure the press didn't run around the balcony and make the secret service shoot them, since President Clinton and Hil were there. We set up dressing rooms for everyone, and hung out with the naval academy choir.  And I ate a hot dog from a street vendor. 

3)  What, at this exact moment, is a memory that makes you smile?  makes you cry?

Smile is how kick ass I did today in RPM at the gym.  Also, it's my anniversary and my husband got me some diamond earrings. 

Cry is...I don't know.  I guess children or pets in distress.  I've always been that way about kids or animals being mistreated.  Unless it means I don't get a steak for dinner, in that case, kill a cow. 

4)  What is the weirdest thing you've ever done that you will admit to?

I copied my butt once on a photo copier as a child (like 9 or 10, something like that)(back when my butt would fit on a copier)

5)  If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree in one store, what store would it be and what would you buy?

I'm sure I could think of a way to spend $10,000, but not all in one place I don't think.  Maybe I would spend it at the pool store and buy TP a pool table.  Or a Jacuzzi.  Or Mr. Cheeks a rug for his room, even though I would have to vacuum it.  Can I spend it at the maid store?  Because I would really like a maid.  I think I have almost worn down TP.  That, or the state of our bathroom has finally grossed him out to the point where he has to have it cleaned. 

6)  Are you always early or terminally late?

I'm normally right on time.  Before Mr. Cheeks, I was always early, but now I'd rather sleep a few more minutes than wash my hair.  I would always be the first person somewhere, but I hated that too, since I don't like to be the only person there, because someone might pay attention to me. 

7)  What is your favorite book you read as a child?  As an adult?

I always remember a book that had a pink library cover, and it had a girl on the front with a raincoat on.  I read it for the 3rd grade read-a-thon (I read the most books in the whole school in 3 weeks, and won them a set of encyclopedias).  It was about a girl who went to California to stay with her grandparents/aunts/cousins/some family member I can't recall.  She only wanted a yellow rain slicker until she met a boy in California and decided a nice raincoat would be more grown up.  She also ate an olive off a tree thinking it was already cured.  I have no idea what the title was. 
And I read all the old school and new Nancy Drew books.  My Dad did an awesome reading of "The Monster at the End of This Book" with Grover and I can't wait to read it

As an adult, I like serial characters, Stone Barrington, Myron Bolitar, Spenser, Harry Potter, The women in Lisa Scottoline's novels, Tempe Brennen, Eve Dallas, etc.  Since I read about 12-15 books a month, it's nice to come back to familiar faces.  I don't have any specific books that I have just wanted to fall all over lately, they're all good. 

And that concludes this episode of Get to Know Kelly.  Thank you for joining us.  Stay tuned next time for... (dun Dun Dun) ...what I looked like 4 years ago when I got married in Hawaii. 

Oh, I Thought I was so Clever

Remember when I thought I was so clever with the minute by minute account of my day?  Well, I have an updated version:

6:00-6:50 turn off alarm.  Sleep some more. 

6:55 - jump out of bed, get dressed, frantically make Mr. Cheek's milk cup (OMG He's like totally drinking out of a cup now!!! OMG OMG!)

7:10 - Roust the peanut who is more than likely sleeping in the middle of my bed, with his big fat head thrown back, sucking on his passie.

7:13 - Make TP get up and help us get out to the car.

7:20 - Drop Mr. Cheeks off at day care.  He's started crying this week when I leave.  But by the time I'm around the door, he's fine.  Out of sight out of Mind, huh?  (He did blow me some kisses this morning for the first time, ever, TP even pretended like he had never seen him do it before)

7:40 - Arrive at Work.

7:59 - Begin work.

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11:30 - emerge from my office bleary eyed and slump shouldered.  Drive to the gym.

11:45 - change clothes for Spinning, Body Pump, or William the trainer kicking my ass with my other Biggest Looser group members. 

12:00-1:00 - OH, PLEASE LET THIS BE OVER SOON!!! WHY AM I DOING THIS!!

1:02 - Hey, I feel pretty good now.  Huh.  Damn excercise making me feel better.  Crap.

1:03 - Shower, use two hairdryers to try and dry my hair quickly.  Run out with it still a little wet.  Roll the windows down on the way back for full drying.

1:20 - pick up my lunch and hightail it back to the office.

1:35 - work.  work. work some more.  taxes. questions. boss asking me questions about stuff I did a week ago that I have no recollection of now.   Taxes.  Routing sheets. 400 trips to the printer.  Why is it always out of paper on MY returns?

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5:30 - Dinner Time!  Get a consensus on where to go, take orders, call it in, and go and get it.  (I love getting out of the office for the 30 minutes every day.)

5:55 - Eat

6:20 - Back to work.

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10:00-11:00 - at some point go home.  Crawl in to bed and fall asleep after 10 minutes of reading. 

The end. 

So you see, I manage to see 15 minutes of my child every day, and about 30 of my husband.  This is 7 days a week.  On Saturdays I only stay until about 6 (one day I left at 4:30.  Oh!  The Scandal!)  On Sundays I work in the nursery from 8-12 ish and then come right on back to the office until at least 5, if not longer.

It's the glamorous live of an accountant! 

Alabama had several tornadoes a few weeks ago, so the IRS has extended the deadlines for filing until April 30th!  I'm so excited I can barely breathe!  Anyway, were not falling for that around here.  The 17th will be it.

I'm tired. Mr. Cheeks is tired. TP is tired.  We are all ready for this to be over.  It's worth it though, in the summertime my boss is pretty lenient about us being here and when we come in and leave, and we have half day Fridays.   

Tax Season is sort of like giving birth, it's a bitch when you're going through it, but the horror seems to take on a rosy glow a few months later, and you forget all the blood and guts.  And then you do it again, and think, "I remember now why I swore I would never do this again!"  But it's too late.  And there's no epidural.

P.S.  We've had our first hair cut, a few steps, and some other fun stuff, but my stupid computer at home is all wonked up and so the pictures are stuck on the camera.  And no one has time to fix the computer.

P.S.S.  I mis you all, and I will be back to your blogs in approximately 2.5 weeks.  Please get ready for some furious commenting.