Mrs. CPA

I Know You Want Me to Talk About the Beach

But I got a diaper bad today for goodness sake!

I came from this lady, and I LOVE it.  Tim will probably never carry it, but I don't care. 

This baby is gettin' pretty big, don't you think?

29 weeks. 

It's a good think I bought a bunch of clothes at the carter's outlet for next summer for her.  Well, unless she's boy and in that case, I'll have a BOOMING ebay business.  Lots of NWT little girl clothes. 

Also, did I ever tell you my sister in law wrote a book?  She did.  And I read it last night.  It was pretty good.   (That's not her real name on there.)  If you ever run across it, you might want to check it out.  It's not too trashy, no naked parts, but cursing abounds if that's not your thing.

I'll talk about the beach later, I'm uploading the pictures to  flickr right now. We had a good time is the short version. 

Me and My Cankles are Going to the Beach, Bitches

We'll be gone the rest of the week.  So there will now be a legitimate reason for my erratic posting schedule.  If someone yells out "WHALE!" when they see me in my swim suit, you might see me on the news for kicking their ass. 

As Hudson would say, " I got my fwip fwops!  Bye!"

I've Got Nothin' But Bullets for Ya

I have some things and they are bullet type things, so that's what you get today:

-Why is Florida's Department of Revenue on Tennessee Street. Are they trying to make me insane?

- According to my doctor and the ultrasound I had on Tuesday, the kidlet weighs about two pounds. She is head down, spine to the front, and chocolate covered doughnuts put her to sleep. We never saw her face. Just butt and spine. It was amazing to me that the doctor had to go so far up with that wand to check out all the parts. I can't believe she's over my belly button so much that there is a belly button shadow on the ultrasound. The head down business does explain the OMG, *$%&#^@ feeling I get whenever I stand up. Or roll over in the bed. Or walk. Apparently my pubic bones are not in the shape they need to be in for this baby. Or she has a GIANT head that is causing me mucho pain. I hear people complain of kicks to the cervix, but I can't imagine it feels too much worse than this. Whatever she is doing down there is giving me a premature waddle. I prided myself on not ever getting that with Hudson.

-I assume Tim has gotten the message about the birthday present. He tried to come in the house yesterday and be all rubbing on me, and I told him to forget it, if he couldn't even buy me a birthday present, he could keep his hands off my butt. Based on all your comments present buying stupidity is a universal male affliction and a curse for all women everywhere.

-Hudson had to go to the dentist to have his almost knocked out tooth rechecked. Then they tried to clean his teeth a little bit. It wasn't pretty. And the dentist gave crappy prizes. I declined to make an appointment for 6 months. We'll find someone closer to the office and who is a little more modern. And we will go when he is three. Two and one quarter is too young to be expected to do good at the dentist. 2.75 probably is too. So we will wait.

-When I tried to take Hudson to day care, he felt warm when I got him out of the van. I took his temperature when we got inside, and while it was only 99.2, he has a tendency to shoot for the moon on the thermometer pretty quickly, so I packed him up and took him home. If only I had known at 7 that morning, I wouldn't have wasted a dress on the dentist, I would have worn shorts. He fell asleep on the way home before lunch and slept for a few hours, watched Charlotte's Web (if you have kids that like animals, get the live action version, Hudson LOVES his "PIG!" movie) and was back in action. I could detect no more fever the rest of the day. It was probably his two year molars, which seem to be reeking havoc under his gums and have been for several weeks.

-Since he was fever free and a wild man, we kept our plans to go and see Happy Feet at the Riverfront Park with my Dad, his girlfriend and Haley's boys. You can bring a picnic and sit outside and watch a movie that starts at sunset. It has been very mild here the last few days so it was not too hot or humid, I brought an off lantern to ward off any mosquitoes and Dad ordered pizza. We got there at just the right time, plenty of good open spots for the blanket and Tim found a reasonable parking spot, but not so early that the boys were restless between dinner and the movie. My dad brought them some balls to play with and they had a blast rolling them down a sloped sidewalk to Tim. I had never seen the movie, and it was pretty cute, but by the time we left, it was after ten. By the time we dropped everyone off at their respective houses and got home ourselves, it was nearly 11. Hud-Hud was filthy, so we dunked him in the bath this morning, which he was VERY PISSED about. VERY PISSED. I hear you dude, I was pretty mad when my alarm went off this morning too.

-Hudson got a haircut this week and the guy put some styling wax in his hair to make it stand up and be all cute. What are your thoughts on this? I wouldn't do it everyday for a two year old, but if you saw a two year old on the street with cute, messy, obviously fixed hair would you think "What an attention whore!!" about me or "That is too cute!"? I need answers. And I have a thing of styling wax that I have used approximately 2.8 times and this would be a good way to use it up eventually. Lord knows I'm not styling my hair.

-I made my first purchase from Etsy yesterday during my sojourn at home. It was for a diaper bag. I think I am a little bit in love with Etsy. But also overwhelmed. How do people find all the cool stuff on there in a reasonable, time efficient manner? It seems so overwhelming, but man, there's some cute shit. Tons of CUTE STUFF (like little girl clothes…)

-My mother is coming up this weekend. She has a bunch of money burning a hole in her pocket so she will be loud and obnoxious. She has already me to let her order some M & M's with "DIVA" on them and a picture of the new baby for Tim to hand out as announcements after she is born. I vetoed that. This is the regular kind of crap that she does when she should be more concerned about the engine dropping out of her car as she drives up here or going to jail for hot checks. Instead she's on the internet ordering Christmas and Halloween buttons for the crocs she is also about to order. She can't help herself.

-Last one… We've moved up the closing date on the house to the 7th and everything seems to be proceeding as planned. I think I've talked Tim into handing over our rent house deposit to me to spend on new house items. I'm thinking of selling some of my dishes to Replacements.com. Including the few place settings of wedding china I got. I'm never going to complete 12 place settings, and I've got antique dishes coming from my mother and Nan when they die, so I'll have plenty of formal type stuff. And that's a few extra dollars. I've also got some wallpaper we never put in the bathroom, a faucet Tim never put in the kitchen and some other stuff I'm thinking of unloading on Ebay.

Have an excellent Thursday and a good Weekend.  Could you please stay out of trouble?  I don't want to get any calls for bail on Saturday night.

FAIL

My birthday is in a few months.  My THIRTIETH Birthday to be exact.  That's a pretty big deal, isn't it?  Or am I mistaken?  Plus I'm going to be pushing out a baby a few weeks thereafter.  I had this actual conversation with my clueless husband this morning:

Me: I know what I want my birthday present to be.

Him: ...

Me: What?

Him:  Well, I didn't think we were going to do birthdays.

(Let me just interject here to say, I have never NOT done  birthdays.  My birthday presents may have been something he bought on the way home from school at the bookstore or something lame, but we have ALWAYS done birthdays. And I ALWAYS make and effort to get him a good present paid for with my own money.  He always uses the joint account for my present.  Last year, he was in Las Vegas on my birthday.)

Him: Well what is it.

Me: Don't worry about it. 

 

Him: No, what is it. 

Me: It's a bag but if you aren't even planning on doing anything for my birthday it's obviously too expensive and I would have to order it today.

Him: I thought with new house and new car we wouldn't be doing birthdays.

Me: Um, I wasn't aware that there would be no birthday anything because of a house.  Nevermind. 

And then I hung up and nearly cried.  Who tells a pregnant girl that for her thirtieth birthday she is getting a house that she is paying for and a new car which she is also paying for?  Both purchases occurred months before the actual birthday? And he just planned to spring this on me when? A week before my birthday? A day?  Let me tell you something Tim - you FAIL in the birthday present department.      

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

On Monday as I was covertly reading my morning blogs, I thought I saw some pictures I recognized.  After a little research to make sure I wasn't completely crazy, I knew When the Queen Mommy was traveling to...Little Rock!  Which is where I currently reside (in case some of you don't know that and happen through here).  So on Tuesday night after getting lost both to AND from the restaurant, we had a lovely dinner at Loca Luna and I stayed out later than I normally do, and it was totally worth it.   We had a great time, and I got to introduce Queen Mommy to some southern delicacies like fried green tomatoes, pot roast, and  mashed potatoes with Cream Gravy. 

And even though I swore I would never in a million years do this, I bought some WHITE maternity pants.  And wore them in public.  And then I ate some dessert. 

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In other news, we still have no idea what we are going to do about Pete.   Tim thinks he needs to try some Cesar Milan tricks on him.  But when we're on the stand in a courtroom being sued, don't think "But I took him for daily walks like Cesar said!!" is going to cut it.  It's been a few days and he's done exactly nothing.  We'll see.

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Gotta go dress a freshly bathed baby.  Have a great THURSDAY!

Agression

Our dog, Pete, bit my mother in law this weekend. For years we have been on tiptoes around Pete, he's grouchy, and the list of things he doesn't like is long. You can pet him, but he doesn't like it when you stop, and never fall for the pet my tummy trick; don't touch his feet (even though we did this a lot when he was a puppy); don't hold a treat in your fingers, put it on the floor or in the palm of your hand; stand in between him and Jax while they eat or it could get nasty; don't wake him up suddenly, he'll snap at you; don't mess with his ears; don't meet him in a doorway - and the list goes on.

We have pretty much taught Hudson not to mess with Pete, making sure he doesn't disturb him or get in a bad situation. When Pete decides to attack Jax it makes Hudson cry. Hudson has still gotten bitten a few times nothing too serious, but still very painful. Jax will also bite you, but his little 12 pound toy schnauzer self can barely chomp up a Cheeto, let alone leave a mark, and Eleanor only likes to chomp on leftover fast food napkins and socks. It's Pete that's the problem. Before, when it was just Tim and I, we made concessions and excuses. Pete even bit Tim once across the eyebrow and nose and Tim had to wear a bandaid and has a scar on his eyebrow. I've been bitten numerous times, especially in the bed because Pete likes to sleep by my feet and me moving around might wake him up and he attacks my feet. His bite can leave a bruise through the covers.

Saturday night when he bit my mother in law, who was not seriously injured, thank God, she was petting him and stopped and he turned around and bit her forearm. Not really breaking the skin but hurting a lot. I'm not sure she will ever come back to our house because of it. Later that night, I told Tim that if Pete does not have some kind of serious attitude adjustment in the next month, we are not bringing him to the new house. He is going to have to find another home or be put to sleep. I can not risk my children, family or my kid's friends anymore. What am I going to say when I am in the emergency room with a child who has bite marks all over their face or is missing a finger or a toe? That I'm sorry, Pete's ears were bothering him and he was grouchy? We wouldn't let Hudson go over to someone's house that had a pit bull. We wouldn't let a snake roam around our house just waiting to strike. But we are housing a dog who we KNOW will bite and that the bite is very painful and destructive and are allowing my kid (soon to be kids) and my sister's boys to be around with no warning other than, "Stay away from Pete."

I think this is reckless and that he is eventually going to really injure someone. What if that someone is a friend Hudson has over? What then? What if it's a new baby? Tim's solution is that we are just going to have to "be more careful" and "keep Pete separated." Well, I can't watch Hudson every second of every day. He's almost 2 ½, he's going to be playing in his toy room by himself, and he goes outside by himself some. He's also able to get out of his bed own his own. What are we going to do when he comes in our room in the middle of the night and tries to get into bed with us and startles Pete and Pete attacks him? And then you have a new baby to add to the list of distractions that would keep us from being super diligent about watching Pete, and I don't know what we'll do. The new house doesn't lend itself to blocking off areas with gates like we do now, so Pete will have free range. I don't want my kids to live behind a bunch of gates either. Tim offered to put one in front of the toy room. That means that anytime Hudson or one of the boys wants to get in or out of there, we have to take the gate down or lift them over it. And that is just ridiculous to me.

I'm torn, Pete was our first dog, and most of what is wrong with him is not his fault, it's bad breeding. I truly believe that if another family had gone home with him, with all the heath problems he has had, he would not still be around. Someone else would have given up long ago. What will happen if someone takes him and he bites them seriously? We knew it could happen and gave him away anyway. Last night I really thought about it and it made me cry to think about actually taking him to the vet to be put to sleep. But I don't know what else to do. Please, if you have any suggestions, let me in on them. Because putting him to sleep is looking like the only option we have and it breaks my heart.

One of Those Days

Today seems to be one of those days. You know when you didn't sleep very well last night because your husband won't stop coughing and your leg cramps keep you up and you have to go to the bathroom and the dog has drooled on your side of the bed where your feet go and then it's magically 6:05 and you're just getting out of bed? And when you get to work and realize you have a TON of stuff to do work on, but you really don't want to do it and you're starving but your leg still hurts from the leg cramps and you're not sure if your outfit is any good even though you made some effort and actually put on JEWELRY for God's sake? And then a coworker asks you to follow them to the tire place (which you do not mind AT ALL), and then you have to take a giant slide home at lunch and visit a new daycare, and your husband sent you an e-mail to tell you that the turtle from a few weeks ago took two trips around the yard today courtesy of one of the dog's mouths? And you tried to help out another blogger with a blog roll, but you can't comment from work and so you send an e-mail and haven't gotten a response and you feel sort of dumb? And it's the mailing day for your new book exchange with people you don't really know all that well and you can't get your person to send you her address so you send an e-mail to the head honcho, and Hello! Your person is in Disney world! And this whole time you thought you were getting spurned but really she's off looking at giant mice and overpriced princess costumes. And your leg still hurts.

And when you get home there are going to be two boxes of the most impossibly cute little pink clothes from Babies R Us on your doorstep, which were all basically financed with your first child's bottles and you won't have enough time to play with them because you have to go to your nephew's ballgame so you can hear your son say, "ballgame" a whole lot which is just too cute, but God, you'll have to chase him around in the heat when he's trying to run on the field and jump off the bleachers and you know, even at 10am, that at 6 pm, your hot, pregnant ass is not going to want to do ANYTHING other than eat two hot dogs and some nachos, but you can't because it's late meeting night for your husband and you'll be the sole chaser.

Are you having one of those days? Not a bad day, just a DAY, you know?