One of my pals asked me if I was going to do a post about having two kids and what it has meant to our family. As some of you may know, I am a big proponent of the calm parenting method. I try not to get too worked up about most things. If Hudson doesn’t want to eat? He doesn’t eat (that doesn’t mean he eats cookies instead though). If he eats something off the floor or straight from a restaurant table? So what? The dogs lick his head? Who cares? He wants to wear his froggy boots for three days and his sunglasses inside? He’s two - that’s what two year olds do.
There are a few things that I am adamant about - taking his medicine when he needs to, listening when told/asked to so something, being polite, and not having his “sassy” all day long. Generally if he’s not permanently disfigured, bleeding profusely, does not have a head injury, nothing needs to be amputated and he’s not on fire, I’m pretty cool with it.
Since I have pretty easy pregnancies, I don’t get all worked up about the baby during that time either. I felt super while pregnant with Hudson and pretty good most of the time with Maddie (except for that allergy business and the stomach virus at the end). Any instances of discomfort were very mild in comparison to some people who throw up constantly for months on end or have to be put on bed rest or have other complications. So while I am big and huge and miserable at the end, most of the time it’s ok. And I think that leads to a baby who is not constantly bombarded with hormones from an overwrought endocrine system which leads to a calmer baby.
I was a babysitter all through Jr. high and high school, both in people’s homes and at our church. When I started going to church in Birmingham, I joined their church nursery staff. I basically took care of infants from as young as 4 weeks old to children as old as 10-12 for nearly ten years with a break while I was in college. That gave me a certain amount of confidence as a parent in knowing what to do with babies. As the oldest of the three kids in my family, very early, I was called into service as a caregiver. I think most first born children are used to helping take care of younger siblings. So I didn’t really have the stress of “What do I do now!?” When we got home from the hospital with Hudson. I knew what needed to be done to some extent. And just like animals, babies can sense fear.
So let’s introduce another person into the equation of me, Tim and Hudson. What has it done to our family?
I have to say that it has been pretty fantastic. Maddie is a good sleeper so that helps, because she started sleeping through the night at about 4 weeks. Normally she would eat late, around 11 and sleep until six, eat again, and conk out again for 3-4 more hours. Tim could feed her late, I would feed her early, he would go off to work and I would go back to sleep. If I was still having to get up 2-3 times a night, I don’t think I would be as cheery.
Hudson still wakes up during the night, more than Maddie does. But he comes and gets in our bed and goes back to sleep ( I guess we have to stop this at some point, but I don’t want to right now. He’s still so soft and squishy and I love holding his little hand while he falls back asleep. I don’t like it when he steals my side of the bed, I think that will be the final straw to send him back to his own bed.)
He has been an excellent big brother. If anything, he wants to play with his “baby sis-er” TOO much. I think part of the growing pains were alleviated by having my brother here for the first few months of Maddie’s life. He was there if Hudson needed something and Maddie was crying or if she needed to be fed while I cooked dinner. Whatever he could do to help, he did, short of taking a 3 am feeding time. So maybe my vision is skewed of what impact adding another child to our family has actually been. (Thank you Unca Bubba!)
Last week, I stayed home with both kids all week. I have to say that while having an infant and a 2 2/3 year old at home all day is not always easy, I think it went pretty darn well. Hudson took naps and ate on time, we went to the doctor all together once, and I even managed the playground one morning pushing Hudson on his tricycle and holding Maddie in her Baby Bjorn. I probably raised my voice a few more times than normal with Hudson, and he wanted to sit in my lap with Maddie a lot. Tim and I had some issues to work out with him working and me being at home and the way we felt about our roles in the family dynamic (and this was just after ONE WEEK), but everyone survived.
I’m not saying this to brag or act superior about the seamless transition from a family of three to a family of four. There have certainly been bumps and grouchiness and feelings of inequality on the child duties and the contributions that each of us make to the family. But, and this is a big but, it’s so totally worth it. Adding that little tiny squishy baby to our lives has been so much more than adding 3+1. It’s changed our lives for the better. If I keep having awesome children – how am I ever going to stop? At some point we’re going to have to have one that cries or is a bad sleeper or isn’t a chunk, right? Isn’t that how God makes you stop?
<sappy>This is what I’m thankful for this year. This wonderful, messed up, slightly dirty under the fingernails, sticky, second chin havin’, cute overload family of mine. From the oldest, who every night brings his son wrapped in a towel out to the living room to get his sassy and his juice, chases Hudson around the house endlessly with a bopping balloon, and who is equally at home feeding Maddie, to the next oldest, who makes sure everyone has appropriate clothing and shoes, that the baby has formula, and that the dishwasher is filled to its maximum capacity; to the next to youngest who still has the most squeezable cheeks you have ever had the privilege of squeezing and is our comic relief; to the youngest, who has the cutest gummy smile and has not thrown up on us in a week. I’m thankful for the privilege of being their momma </sappy>
