Mrs. CPA

Fresh Out

Of Ideas, that is.

I am reading this book called Bearing Witness. It's a collection of interviews done by the Works Progress Administration during the 30's. The interviewees are slaves who were born or worked in Arkansas. It seems like the interviewers had a list of questions they had to ask, and one of those questions is about the Ku Klux Klan and had the person witnessed any activity by the organization. One of the men interviewed said he hadn't seen them too often but a couple of times they were "Ku Klukin'" around and they would run around saying "Kluk, Kluk, Kluk."

That cracks me up.  Ku klukin' around? Certainly makes light of the horrible activites perpetrated by those idiots.

Anyway, I've got some good pictures and that about it.

That's non washable marker. He was blue for a couple of days.

I Bet You Know What Happens

Part Two

(Part One is here)

I don't gradually progress at the end of labor. I'm laying around doing nothing. I move a little bit and BAM! I feel the baby move into place and the contractions shoot up and I tell the nurse we're ready. The same thing happened with Hudson. I was just hanging out and then "HEL-LO! I'm ready here!"

Let me just say that my nurse was really nice. She did however, tell a story about some guy friend of hers who was an alcoholic and in a wheel chair and married to someone who abused him. It was really wild. And long and drawn out. (Much like my posting, but you enjoy that - so zip it.) She was not horrible, and when I told her that I wanted to get up and walk as soon as the baby was born and I didn't want any catheters, she was cool with that. She told me she would turn off the epidural when I started pushing and I would be able to walk around pretty quickly after that. I had been in there for hours, I didn't want to stick around any more than I had to.

Once everything was ready I kicked everyone out of the room but Tim. There are just some things I am not going to share with my in-laws or my parents. My sister had come by during her lunch hour and was really trying to get me to have the baby before she had to go back to work. She had just gotten out on the highway and my Dad called her back to tell her it was time, so she turned around and came back to the waiting room. The nurse could tell I was really feeling the contractions, they were starting to get really strong, and Tim was holding my hand. He wasn't even crying when I squeezed it so hard it looked like a dead fish. The nurse finally found my doctor, she had been delivering another baby at another hospital.  When she came in, she put up the pushing pedals, flipped up the hand grips, told Tim hand holding time was over and it was time to get down to business.

I was really sort of nervous about the whole pushing thing. With Hudson, it took a really long time, like an hour and a half, and we still had to get out the vacuum extractor thing. I did not want to go through that again. The epidural was not as strong as it was with Hudson so I could feel a lot better what was going on, and I hoped it would go a little easier this time.

So, like she said, we got down to business. That business took two contractions and about 3 pushes, and the newest addition to our family was outta' there! And she was huge. Later the nurses were discussing her Apgar scores, "I thinks she's nine, nine." And my doctor thought they were talking about her weight!

8 lbs 9 oz 21 inches long

I think I got to hold her immediately. I don't know. At that point you're so delirious with the whole thing, they could have handed me a raw turkey and I would have thought it was my kid. Tim cut the cord and managed to NOT spray the doctor with gunk like he did last time. She got cleaned up and be-hatted and t-shirted and all that stuff. I got sewn up, and re-covered and got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. Tim went out to tell everyone we had a baby (he had already sent a text message and a picture to the waiting room). A baby without a name.

I think this is becoming a bad habit with us, the no name business. I obsess and worry and read through the book and look online and make lists. Tim looks at those lists, crosses off the ones he can't stand and then we discuss it some. And then we forget about it. Never make a decision. Never do anything else about it other than answer people's questions about names with no, we don't have one. And then we have to endure all their suggestions.  Like we haven't heard it all before.

Our top name pick didn't seem right once we saw her, so I told Tim to tell everyone she didn't have a name. They are all used to my craziness at this point, so they knew we would have one eventually.

Tim went and got Hudson and brought him up to the hospital. Hudson asked me where the "other one" was after he had a glance at his baby sister.  He was way more interested in the cars baby sister had magically produced for him. (I wonder where she was storing those?)

I had gathered up all my stuff and put the bags on the cart, Maddie got a good bath and we realized how much hair she really had. I got the go ahead to go to a room and our entourage took off, with Hudson riding in my lap in the wheelchair. After my in-laws got me something to eat, suggested more names, I lied to the horrible nurse about not having my cough medicine in my bag, my bother came to visit, my sister and nephews came back to visit, I got to eat and everyone left except Tim and Hudson and I. Still no name. And they left.

My babies don't like to sleep in that stupid plastic bassinet. So I let them sleep cuddled up to me in the bed propped up on my arm. The next day and a half went by fast. Tim was at home getting some stuff ready for our discharge on Friday and he came by that morning. Some people from my office came to visit and brought me wine. My favorite wine, as a matter of fact, and a gift card to the cupcake place.

When Tim came by that night, I knew we had to get the name thing down. The social security people needed some time to get the paperwork done before our discharge the next day. Madeline was not on any of our lists. But that's what we decided. Her middle name, Simmons, was my grandmother's maiden name. I sent out a text message and posted a picture, and went to bed.

I had the most awesome nurse the next morning. I can't remember her name but it was something like Faye Ann, and she didn't treat me like I was a moron with a uterus. She did say that they were running out of room, and that there were 16 people waiting downstairs in labor and delivery who had had to spend the night on those awful delivery beds because there was no room upstairs in the maternity ward. (Basically get the hell out out of here...) So I was pretty lucky that I was all scheduled and had my baby early in the day so I got a room, otherwise there might have been a whole lot more cursing going on. After I got all the stuff out of the bassinet and got some lunch, we hightailed it out of there.

And lived happily ever after.

Until the next one. (Who is going to be a DOUBLE hellion because Maddie has been just as awesomely good as Hudson was so we have GOT to be due a crying, no sleeping, grouchy baby sometime soon.)

It's About Time

I think it's time to write about how Maddie came to be born. I didn't get around to writing about Hudson's birth until he was 6 months old, so crap, I'm EARLY as far as I'm concerned!

If you remember, (OF COURSE YOU DO) Hudson's birth was a surprise inducement brought on by too much work too much beer drinking and not getting enough rest. Also Taco Bell probably played a role in it, but I only have circumstantial evidence to support that.

After we moved to Arkansas, we decided it was time to have another baby, this time, doing a little more planning as to the time the arrival of the child so as not to coincide with any tax season-ish deadlines. That was a complete failure.

The doctor told us to wait for one cycle and then we could start trying again. Basically at my house, all I have to do is say, "Hey, Tim, want to have another baby, baby?" And BOOM! Pregnant. I know we're very lucky in that regard.

If you look at my entries from late August/early September, you will notice a pattern – a pattern of whining. I was so crazy coughing sick at my 38 week appointment, I begged to be put out of my misery. Begged. I was waking up all hours of the night coughing, which I could only do while sitting up, which meant I had to get up and go to the bathroom, repeat ad nasuem all night. Wake up at 5, be at work by 6am, stay until 6 or7pm, come home, fall into bed, and do it all over again. My doctor gave me a prescription for cough syrup with codine and when the pharmacist told me there weren't enough instructions on the slip, I believe the words out of my mouth were, "Oh, HELL no. Call the after hours number NOW." My clenched fists should have been an indication that I would snatch her across the counter by her royal blue scrubs if I didn't get my cough medicine RIGHT NOW, dammit. *Ahem.* So I went on my merry way with my cough medicine. And slept. Oh, how I slept.

During the cough medicine visit,  my doctor told me she had no problem inducing patients at 39 weeks. I told her to get to the phone and set this baby up for delivery, lickety split. I have no problem with Pitocin or epidurals. Just get on with this. She did caution me that if I had not made any progress by my inducement date, we might have some issues. She wanted to check me again on Monday and we would see how it was going.

Of course Monday brought absolutely no change in my condition other than I was more hot and miserable and I also tried to flash the waiting room when my dress got caught in between my butt and the top of my thigh on my way out the door. I was saved from that mortification by my doctor. She would have probably had record enrollment in birth control programs that day if I had been allowed to escape. There are not many things more disgusting than a 39 week pregnant top of a tight/bottom of a butt. (Unless you are one of those people who carry babies only in their stomach. In that case, I hate you.)

I drove myself to the hospital Wednesday morning, bright and early. My mother in a constant state of alert for a newspaper. My house had been cleaned (and not by me!), the baby book purchased, Hudson was blissfully unaware of the days events, and by God, I was having this baby.

When I finally got settled in the hospital bed and in a gown and had my IV started and all that jazz, it was right before shift change. The last thing the nurse did before she left was check me and tell me that I was at 1-2. Woot! This meant we were having a baby before closing time! 

Tim took the Hudson to school like normal. My Dad showed up at the hospital. I had no idea he had taken the day off. I thought he was just going to check on me before work and then leave, but he wasn't missing the birth of this grandchild. Tim showed up and promptly went to sleep on the couch. My mom left, and throughout the morning various people came and went from our family. Considering that when Hudson was born I was alone other than Tim for most of the day, this was sort of weird. By 10 or so, the pitocin had been ramping up and I decided it was time for that sweet elixir of the god's – the epidural.

There was some discussion as to how effective the placement was of said epidural by the doctors who were behind my back. I guess they thought I couldn't hear them unless they spoke in their "patient" voices. I thought for a minute they were going to try and do it again, but they decided they hadn't paralyzed me and had more people to stick. The bed lowered to almost flat, which isn't really all that great for someone who had been coughing her lungs out for the past week. I could only sit up a little or the epidural would stop working, or so I was told.

So I did want any sane, pregnant, drugged up person would do, I watched some Judge Joe Brown and the People's Court and went to sleep.

The next part is where it gets exciting, so come back tomorrow (And yes, I've already written it, so I won't stand you up.)(And here's a hint, I have a baby at the end...)(sorry if that spoils the ending for you.)

President's Day

This morning as I was putting away the approximately 413 items of clothing that got washed yesterday (in our AWESOME new washing machine), I started hearing this buzzing mechanical sound. Like something was wrong with the bathroom fan. Something REALLY wrong. So I switched off the light/fan over the shower stall. The noise didn't stop! 

Tim was in the living room feeding Maddie, and I asked him if he could hear it. It stopped for a second and then started back. It sounded like something was caught in the shower fan. I thought it might be a bird on the outside of the house, but it sounded like it was coming from the ceiling and I didn't think a woodpecker could peck that fast.

I told Tim since he had the whole day off, he would have to try and find out what the problem was. I don't know what got into him today, but he was actually CHIPPER this morning, making jokes. He said he didn't want to fix it. And not to leave him home alone with whatever gremlin was stuck in the ceiling. Also, he was probably going to electrocute himself trying to put the ladder in the shower to reach the fan and then working on something electrical.

He put Maddie down on our bed, opened the shower stall, and turned off my Neutrogena Wave. The noise stopped.

Diagnosis: Don't leave vibrating shower accessories on in hopes they will start working. Just change the damn battery already.

I'm sorry I just ran off after my Blissdom post. See: Giant screw up at work and subsequent headache and stomach ache re: longevity of my JOB. Going down to Nan's to help her with some taxes. Friends over for dinner on Saturday night to eat, drink margaritas, and play the office game. I spoiled the evening by putting Hudson to bed at 9 and FALLING ASLEEP MYSELF like the totally awesome hostess I am. Doesn't that make you want to come over to my house for a party? Guest - So Kelly, how are things going? Me – snoooooooooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee.

I have a giveaway going on at my review blog for the best book I have read in quite a few years. I hope you'll enter to win.

Blissdom09

Me and Hank Together again

I have no idea how this happened, but I ended up in the exact same freakin' room I was in last time! 

Yes, it's time for a Blissdom 09 wrap up post. Don't hate me because I'm awesome for going.

I left Friday morning later than I had planned since Maddie woke up at 2am and stayed awake until 4. When I was getting ready to leave, Tim asked if I wanted to get some more sleep and he would take Kaden (my nephew) to school. Hey buddy, you should have offered those services 4 hours ago! I was so excited, it didn't even matter anyway.

By the time I dropped Kaden off and got some breakfast, it was 8, so I wasn't too behind schedule.

When I got to the hotel, I saw a sea of pink trimmed lands end bags. I tried checking in, but I had no reservation. I looked up the confirmation code on my phone and the desk clerk tried to tell me that didn't sound like one of their codes. Thank you Jesus, they had an open room, which just happened to be the Hank Williams Jr. special.

Rebecca from Ramblings by Reba came and sat with me for the opener. I can't even tell you how much fun it was took look around and see the sea of laptops and hear the sound of 250 women frantically twittering.

I can't even remember all the sessions. I have to go back and look at my sheet. The twitter stream for #blissom09 is full of great information and hysterical tweets.

There was a cocktail party Friday night, where I got to talk to Jes from Chirky for quite awhile, one of my longtime blog loves. I got to chat with Amy from Milk Breath and Margaritas, Ashley from Mrs. 007, Colleen from Mommy Always Wins, and Heather The Queen of Shake Shake (who horrified some poor men by talking about yeast infections and Diva Cups).

We retired to the ballroom to watch Mamma Mia. I was worn out by the time that was over.

The next morning, Barbara Jones form One 2 One Network surprised everyone with a Yanni Voices sneak peek. Most of the ladies were falling all over themselves over the men on the preview. After the screening was over,  the two recipients of all the lusting appeared live and in person. They were cute, and sang happy birthday to two ladies celebrating birthdays. And then they sang it in Portuguese.

We had more sessions, and a nice lunch, where I got to sit with Mrs. Flinger and Megan from Velveteen Mind. I shilled my tax services; passed out a ton of magnets (literally, 250 magnets weight 12 pounds.) I impressed everyone at the table with my vast tax knowledge (read: put to sleep).

The afternoon sessions were equally wonderful, and we ended with some entertainment from Chris Mann. He was very charming and funny. I made everyone forget about those Yanni folks from the morning.

Then it was time for the fabulous Jen Lancaster. Her keynote address was excellent (as expected) and I got one of her books signed.

After that it was time for dinner with the Ohio contingent and 20 other people at New Orleans Manner. This is where it gets fuzzy...

The drinks there were crazy. Crazy strong. For some reason I ordered the crab legs that were the special. IT CAME WITH A BIB FOR GOD'S SAKE. We all went around the room an introduced ourselves and Amy videoed it. I have that video and I will edit it and have it up shortly. I sat with Shannan from Mommy Bits, the lovely ladies from Once a Month Mom and Carrie from Money Saving Methods and Andrea from Mommy Snacks. They all put up with my crab legs. Our waiter's name was Clyde, and I don't know if we were the bigger cutup or if he was. We managed to disturb the ENTIRE restaurant and be loud and obnoxious. It was the best dinner I've been to in a long tome. Well, except for the $100 check.

When we got back, I went straight up to my room, but I opened up tweet grid and saw that 13 of my fellow diners were stuck in the elevator!  They were there for 40 minutes until the elevator guys could get them out. Look for #elevator tags for the minute by minute update for that little adventure.

I woke up and took a hot shower, (which was not an option on Saturday morning since everyone was trying to get ready a the same time. BRRRRR.) and hightailed it out of there with wet hair.

I had such an excellent time. I handed out magnets, got a ton of great cards, met a dozens of awesome bloggers and connected with some old friends. I can't wait until next time.

Can't. wait.

If Blogher is HALF as fun as Blissdom it will be money well spent.

A BIG thank you to Alli, Barbara, all the speakers, and the sponsors for an awesome conference.

You can buy a transcript of all the conference sessions here.

I've Been Hit! With a Meme!

Claire and Laura both tagged me for the 25 things meme on Facebook. If you've been reading here for any amount of time, you know that I like to let meme tags ferment for as long as possible until it is absolutely ridiculously overdue and not even relevant anymore. This one is relatively fresh, only like 2 weeks old or something!

Without further adieu:

25! Things! About! Kelly!

1. I'm leaving tomorrow morning for my second blogging conference – Blissdom. I was so thrilled with the first one that I signed up for the second one AND signed up for Blogher.

2. I got a new camera from my friend Imelda. A Nikon D40. I am in love with it. I'm taking all kinds of pictures. (In focus and nice looking ones even!)

3. Tim and I didn't really want to have any kids, but he just loved one of the little girls in the nursery at church and he said he might like some if they turned out as great as Elizabeth H. So we had Hudson, and now we're going to have as many as we have the money and space for – probably 4. Tim says Hudson has met the Elizabeth H. criteria.

4. I hate Hot Wings.

5. I can only drink water that is super cold. And I don't like ice in it. We keep a water jug in our refrigerator at all times.

6. We got a new washer and dryer this week. Our old one was from my parents who bought it in 1993. It served a family of 5 until 2000, and we've had it ever since. Last time something needed to be fixed on it, Tim had to use part of a sour cream container. I told him that was the last time. No more condiment peices in my washer. I haven't even really looked at the new ones yet. I couldn't pick it out of a line up if I tried.

7. My Dad is an accountant, my mother's sister is an accountant, and now I'm one. I've been practicing my adding machine skills since I was about 10. I think I've always known what I wanted to do. Passing the CPA exam was one of the better accomplishments of my life.

8. I used to wear a size 10 shoe. While I was pregnant with Maddie, my foot grew a half size. I had to throw out all my great shoes and start again. Zappo's loves me.

9. I've broken my right arm twice and my left arm once, and two of my toes in the floor furnace. I come by it honestly, my dad has broken his leg twice, once from falling in an empty swimming pool and once from skiing, his arm, trying to get away from a bee, and last time he went skiing he broke two ribs and collapsed his lung. I fall about once a quarter seriously. Up the stairs, on the sidewalk, tripping over my own feet - I once fell in the middle of a Birmingham street during lunch time while I was pregnant. While wearing a dress.

10. I only really like dessert while I am pregnant. I would rather have more nachos than eat cake. But when it's time for cake, I want LOTS of icing. Always the corner piece.

11. Tim and I got married in Hawaii on the beach. Only four people and one kid other than us and the preacher were there. It was one of the best decisions we ever made.

12. I've made stockings for Tim, Kaden Kendall and I'm almost finished with Hudson's. I need to get started on Maddie's but that means I have to finish Hudson's first.

13. I still don't think I am very grown up. Even after two kids, a husband, a minivan and buying a couple of houses, I'm still waiting for the grown-upped-ness to hit me. I bet any teenager you meet would probably beg to differ with this opinion, but I feel like I just got out of college.

14. I like matching pajamas, smocking, monogramming, and all that frou-frou old school southern stuff. You can say I'm making Hudson and Maddie look silly, but I don't care. There is nothing cuter than a little girl in a smocked white bishops' dress with matching diaper cover and a little boy in a cute pair of corduroy overalls with his initials monogrammed on the chest. And everyone needs matching Christmas pajamas with their siblings.

15. I'm sort of standoffish when I meet someone. Coupled with my 6 feet tall-ness and my general demeanor, it makes me look intimating. I'm really not. I just don't have a very open face. But I would like to be your friend!

16. I am NOT photogenic. I haven't been since I was about 12. I have a terrible smile and my chin always looks silly. That's why my profile picture is from Hudson's baptism almost 3 years ago. It's the best picture taken of me since 1990.

17. I am a horrible speller. Always have been, always will be. I had crying fights with my parents about studying for spelling tests. One time, I even lost a chance to go to Washington DC because I couldn't spell my spelling words. I used to write them out of the book wrong.

18. I am an avid reader. If left to my own devices I could read 10 books in a week. Basically any activity that you can't read while doing it is a waste of time to me. I don't read books more than once either. I buy them and give them away after I read them.

19. I can not move my ears, waggle my eyebrows, or whistle. I can only blink on one side.

20. My sister and I are the only two girls in our family in our generation. My grandmother had four boys, those four boys all had boys, except for Haley and I. And there are only 4 girl great-grandchildren.

21. My favorite Disney Movie is Fox and the Hound. I don't have a favorite non-animated movie.

22. If it were up to me, (and why shouldn't it be?) everyone would stop working around 12:30, go home, and take a nap from 1-3 and then come back and work for a few more hours.

23. I have three blogs. The first one I started before Hudson was born after semi-stalking a coworker on a message board to see what craziness she was saying and saw a link to Dooce. From there I went all over the place and started my own. In the past year, I've started two more. One is with an office mate. I've met quite a few people outside of the computer and I even went on vacation with two families that I met online. It's also landed me some freelance work as an accountant which I really enjoy, I just wish there was enough of it to support my family.

24. I have never been out of the country. I had a few opportunities in college, but I didn't want to see those places without Tim, so I never went. Someday we'll go.

25. I'm not a big music fan, but I love Barry Manilow and my radio station in the car is always set to the classic country station. Somehow I've amassed a bunch of CD's that we keep hauling around from place to place. I've been to see James Taylor, Aerosmith, whatever that band is with Gavin Rossdale in it and No Doubt opened for them, Barry Manilow 3 times, Lee Greenwood, Alabama, Tim McGraw & Faith Hill, New Kids on the Block, Alan Jackson and Willie Nelson, plus Memphis in May one year.

Ok, I think that's enough. If you hear any loud keening in the next few days, that's just Tim, having a breakdown from being at home with both kids for a few days. Alone. All by himself. While all of his usual support is out of town too. Please come to his immediate aid. Bring beer.

Maddie got Baptized

I was baptized in this gown, Kendall, Kaden and Hudson and now Maddie have all been baptized in it. (don't tell anyone, but I think she was the best looking out of all of us.)

Mischievous
Cousins from both sides of our family.

We took up four rows in the church today. Our family is so blessed to have so many who love our children and want to be at special events to support us.

Saturday and Sunday morning were stressful, but it was all worth it to have our family over for lunch and see everyone together in celebration of Maddie's baptism.

I hope you had a great weekend.