A Roving Band of Fruitcakes

Via Colleen, who got so many unflattering pictures of me it is not even funny.

That's me, Jenny, Shelia, and Jessie. I think Amy was already passed out somewhere, having been the victim of one last shot of vodka (that I paid for, so basically it's my fault). And we were a roving band of fruitcakes.

So yes, I went to Blogher. I came, I saw, I swagged, I drank, I got tattooed. And while I didn't love every minute of it, I enjoyed 90% of it. 

So lets talk about what I did enjoy first.

My four roommates were the awesomest of the awesome. I think we were all pretty considerate of each other and our personal space as much as one can be in a 250 square foot room with a king size bed, two cots, and all the crap that we brought and the crap that we accumulated over the weekend. And all of Jenny's glitter (I Love you Jenny!).

I got to meet Sam, Amy, Cagey, Katie (who was super nice and sat with us at Dick's like we were all old friends), Poppy, Heather B, Susan, Chris, Metalia, Yvonne, Ree, Lindsay, Dana, Sundry, and Tracey and about 50 other people. (I'll come back and link later [Done!])Too many to count. I think they all gave me business cards and maybe I shouldn't just shove those in the gallon baggie I unearthed with my Blissdom business cards in it. I saw some old friends from that conference, and found that I knew a lot of the people passing me by, just because I had seen them at Blissdom.

The food was great. As was the liquor. Schula's in the lobby was a little too expensive but still good. I guess they have to pay for all the extra time the waitress spent presenting the meat to us and all those signed footballs with the menu on them. But apparently the other Colleen paid for that since my card was charged about $40 less than what I signed for and hers was charged for $40 more than she expected.

I got to see one of my college buddies and stay at his condo the first night. He took me for sushi at Tank, which I have been craving for months. It did not disappoint.

I went to every party I could possibly go to, including the Social Luxe, Sparrow Hair, The People's party (briefly because there were approximately 4,822 people in there and I don't dig sweaty bodies. And no, it wasn't me who elbowed Ezra in the head.), The MamaPop soiree, Bowlher and obviously Cheeseburgher. I mainly did this because this was my first time and why the heck not? I also managed to get to a session most time slots, attend one Blogher cocktail party, eat dinner with Molly, and get a tattoo.

I took Shelia, Jessie and Amy's lives into my hands during the GM test drive of a new Tahoe Hybrid, and managed to take a wrong turn and almost run a red light. I'm sure the GM rep in the back thought I was insane. I threatened to kick anyone who kissed the ground when we exited the vehicle.

I got to wear a hat at Dick's last resort that said, "I put out and blog about it." Thrilled I tell you. Thrilled.

I renewed my love affair with blackberry Izze drinks (via PepsiCo, a sponsor), which are my favorite and now Target doesn't sell them anymore, and I nearly cried in the aisles yesterday when I figured this out.

I had to pack my clothes in my Lands End backpack and fill up my traveling bag with the stuff. I did not go about procuring free items with reckless abandon, I was polite and nice, and didn't grab and run. I talked to every rep in the Expo hall, and recycled what I didn't want. I took home every recyclable shopping bag I could and will never use plastic again. As long as I remember to bring them with me to the store.

Everyone wanted to know where I am from because my accent is so pronounced. And it just gets worse when I start drinking.

I had a delightful conversation with Simon about racial dichotomy and the socio-economic status of my hometown while drinking a Manhattan at the MamaPop party.

My flights were full, but on time. I managed not to lose anything, except my dignity, like when I told Amalah that she was a puffs hater and then Amy fell out of her chair and Jessie spit water all over Amalah. Who then said she was "dewy." So gracious. She even talked to us after we spit on her.

On Saturday night, after we went in search of our missing roommate (who we found passed out on the couch) Shelia, Jessie and I went outside and Shelia gave birth to some feather boas, multiple times. That was the hardest I laughed the entire time. People were staring, and not because I'm freakishly tall. It was just three girls with our new boa babies having a good time. There is no photographic evidence of this happening, which I am thankful for.

 

This one is for Amy. She calls my husband Mr. Burns. So I had to take an airplane picture of the nuclear power plant for her. 

My new art. I LOVE IT. The tattoo artist said tattooing my foot was like wresting and alligator in a swamp. The only downside to this was that I couldn't wear any of the new shoes I had brought so I had to wear my Crocs flip flops with everything, including my dresses. (An Crocs doesn't even care. I guess a testimonaial about how Crocs saved your trashy body art is too risque.) The trip back from the tattoo parlor was a delight - if you call two women dragging their busted up, shoeless feet down a questionable Chicago street in search of a cab and encountering a young man smoking pot on the street with his boyz. We did finally get a taxi. 

Shelia's new Tattoo. Gorgeous.

You have got to see this one. I don't even remember that. At all.

You want the bad?

There wasn't a whole lot.

I tried to help out a group of women (including someone I have bet briefly before and who was a favorite of mine) who were staring cluelessly at the hotel map and direct them to the People's Party. Apparently pointing to the escalators and saying "upstairs" isn't enough direction because when I went to the elevators, they were behind me and stopped in between the sets of elevators. AND THEN PROCEEDED TO MAKE FUN OF ME. While I could hear them. And said things, like "It's a 40 floor hotel!" and "That was really helpful!" And then I looked over, one of the girls saw me and said, "Oh! There she is!" and turned around to laugh some more. Don't worry, I don't think I'll be buying any more of your books, participating blogger. 

I met a couple of people who acted like they couldn't wait to get away from me. I don't really think it was my fault (but maybe it was. Do I look that funny? Or smell like a garbage dump?), but when your friend comes over and you are in the middle of a conversation, isn't it at least polite to for one of them to say, excuse me? It wasn't like I was holding their hand or had been standing there for 30 minutes or anything.

There is something wrong with my muscles. Walking two blocks should not cause a person intense pain for the rest of the weekend, waking me up all night with leg, feet and even chest cramps. I'm sure my roommates thought I was was really some 80 year old woman in disguise, but I couldn't help it. Everything just hurt. And there was not going ot be any walking tours our sightseeing for me.

Being away from my family for quite a few days didn't really hit me until Sunday morning when I was overly tired and called home and got to talk to Hudson. And then I bawled like a big ol' baby. Once I took a nap on the plane, I realized what an idiot I was being worrying about with people thought about me.

I did what I came to do at Blogher, have a great time, meet some great people, and enjoy myself.

Unfortunately, enjoying myself is on an SD card forever. 

This was totally a joke, and Jenny made me do it. Blogher will probably ask that this be removed since I'm wearing my badge. They won't want to be associated with me.

My Blogher recap would not be complete if I didn't thank Tim for staying home for five days with the kids. Everyone was in one piece when I got home, and they were all sitting in the recliner with smiling faces when I walked through the door. Maddie busied herself with unpacking my suitcase. Hudson insisted on sleeping with his playdough and tried to sneak the Easy Mac in the bed.

Are you ready for NYC? I'm buying my ticket next month.I'll try not to drink out of your wine bottle if you come.

Ok, here's one picture of me without a bag on my head. Note to Self: GET CONTACTS.

Comments

[Angela]

I'm so glad you had such a good time. You deserved it with all the crappy stuff you've had this year. :-) Love your new art. And AMALAH! OMG, You met AMY!

[Angela]

I'm so glad you had such a good time. You deserved it with all the crappy stuff you've had this year. :-) Love your new art. And AMALAH! OMG, You met AMY!

[SJ]

Oh Kelly. I totally just laughed myself silly AGAIN after reading your recap. I had so much fun! We ALL had so much fun I can't wait to do it again. Fruitcakes we are indeed - and I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for making my stay in Chicago a memorable one (and this goes for my other roomies as well!)

PS: I totally forgot about those mean girls that laughed at you. I'm so sorry you had to experience that.

PSx2: I have some ugly feet. But I'm loving the tattoo. Yours too....

[Rachel]

Sounds like you had a an awesome time! I hate I couldn't go, I would have loved to see you again and meet everyone else!

[Amy W]

That is hilarious!

I don't think any other women could room together like we did. You guys are just lucky that I chose to use the bathroom in the lobby the morning after....

And thanks for the pic of the power plant. I will share it with Ray.

[Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba)]

I'm so sorry people were ugly to you. :(

Glad you had a great time, despite all that.

[Kellie]

People being nasty always makes me pissy.

Sounds (and looks) like you guys had a great time. So glad :)

[givemeabreak]

When you saw the girls at the elevators, you should have told them you were mistaken on the location of the party they were trying to reach. They could get to their party by taking the next elevator.... "you know...the one going down....to HELL!" Have fun.

Maybe their blogs could be called "B****es gotta blog" or "My blog is smarter than I am" or "I OWN the 3rd Grade"

[jennyonthespot]

Oh girl... awesome. Just like you!

And those folks at the escalators. Obviously made out of Not Smart! I woulda used my brass knuckle had I been there. I woulda :) Tell me who it was ;)

[Pocklock]

This is totally hilarious. I love all the pictures. You were so much fun! I hope we get to hang in NYC next year!

xo

[Colleen-Wineplz]

It seems even with a bunch of geeks, we're still going to get some Queen Bee wanna-be's that try to ruin it for others. Dang punks.

Anywhoo, I had a lot of fun with you during the short time I got to spend with you. As my grandma used to say, you're a hoot an' a holler (seems appropo with your cute owl logo). Hope to see you at BlogHer'10 and you can bet I'll let you drink out of my wine bottles anytime!

(btw, my kids LOVE your magnet)

[Katy]

Yeah! You are back to writing!

Blogher was amazing! The best part was meeting you all. Don't worry, the red video camera couldn't ever stand up to hanging with other bloggers like yourselves! Well, maybe if a $10K check was hidden in the battery compartment...

I cannot wait to see you again next year in New York!