Mrs. CPA

God, I Hope My Boss Never Finds This

First off, is it bad that I got a cramp in my hand pouring?

And no, I didn't drink all of these in one night.  It was two,thankyouverymuch.  And the bottle only makes five.  I know CPA Mom loves her some Chicky, Chicky Baby ones, but these are easy.  Also drunk-a-licious.

Tribute to Mr. Cheeks Six-month-oldity here, and here, if you missed it. 

Oh, Samantha Jo, you will get more than you bargained for (also, typos out the wazoo)...

What is under your bed right now?

This is an actual un-retouched photo (you can take that as truth because I don't own photoshop, nor would I know what to do with if I did.)

I'm actually really surprised that there isn't more dog hair under there.  Just in case you are wondering, I sleep on the right side in the picture.  And the reason why we don't keep anything under there is because of the dogs.  Pete eats stuff left on the floor, and Eleanor likes to lay half her body under there (She gets stuck sometimes and we have to lift up the bed.) 

Do you pick your nose?

Not at a stoplight.  And I don't really have to do this.  My nose is pretty pick-free.  But it is itchy. 

What is your favorite cleaning product and why?

Clorox Clean up.  It cleans up everything.  We use it when my mother's dog comes over and pees in the kitchen, I use it on the bathroom sink, I use it on the kitchen counters.  Pretty much everywhere.  But I always dilute it to half strength.  It works just as well and costs me less. (Money Saving tips brought to you by Mrs. CPA.)

Someone offers you a brand new car (whatever kind you want) for free OR a lifetime supply of free gas, which would you pick?

OK, let me just say this now.  I don't like to pay for gas, but it really doesn't bother me.  I think gas would have to get up to $5.00 a gallon before I would really care.  I pretty much drive to and from work/daycare and that's it, especially during tax season.  A tank of gas may last me two weeks.

So I'm going with the car choice.  And my car would be a convertible.  Probably the Crossfire.  I'm also partial to SUV's.  I know, I know.  I don't talk about anyone's minivan, (which, I would totally drive a Quest if I had to), but I like my Trailblazer.  A Suburban is too big for me, but a Tahoe, or something similar is not outside the realm of possibilities. 

Your boss has spinach between her teeth.  Do you tell her?

Both of my bosses are men, and they would never let anything so abhorrent as spinach cross their lips. (and if another person tells me not to eat spinach, I'm going to scream.  I don't even like spinach, nor would I buy the bagged variety. Who is wiping poop on spinach leaves?)  If they had pepper from their bar-ba-que lunch in their teeth, then yes, I would probably tell them.  After I told all my co-workers and we laughed about it. 

(Am out of margarita now, am detoxing.)(AAAHHH.)

How long did it take you to get pregnant?

If you noticed from previous postings, it wasn't exactly what we had planned, so I have to say once.  It was a very fun once, though. 

Did you find out the sex?

If I didn't find out,  I think I would have had a mild heart attack (and with my blood pressure, it could have happened, I guess.)  I am the person who waited until everyone was gone and I opened all my Christmas presents and re-wrapped them.  I was just as excited on Christmas morning.  I always read the TV show spoilers.  I am impatient.  And I am nosy.  AND I HAD TO BUY BOY THEMED CLOTHING.  Smocking even.  And you have to know whether that needs to be on a dress or a Jon-Jon. 

Were you at all disappointed it was a boy or were you glad it wasn't a girl?

Everyone thought it was a girl.  My dad is one of four boys, his brothers all had boys except me and my sister.  My sister then had boys.  I think we are cursed with the boys.  Maybe someday, we can have a girl.  And her closet will be unrivaled.   I was just excited to finally know. 

How often did you have sex before you had Mr. Cheeks and how often do you have sex now?

About the same.  I think Mr. TP would have his own little heart attack if I posted actual numbers, but it's about the same.  It less than we both want, but we are busy.  And he pisses me off on available dates, to his own detriment. 

Unless anyone has any further questions, we will go back to my own fanatical rantings and silliness.  If you do have any more, or any follow-up, I will be happy to oblige.  Put it in the comments or e-mail me. 

Questions? You Call These Questions?

Joy Lynn would like for me to pontificate on the following:

Watch college/pro football?  If so, what teams do you support?

I watch football if it is on.  That's at least one thing I'm not addicted to.  As our "OMG! We're about to have a baby!" treat, TP and I went to see the Falcons play at the Georgia dome.  I bought us super special club seats and paid a ridiculous amount of money so my pregnant ass could have close parking and non-peon hot dogs.  It was a lot of fun and one day we plan on buying some club seats, because, just like first class flying, you can't go back and sit with the common folk after you've sat in those seats. 

Since I live in Alabama, I'm expected to pick sides (Auburn/Alabama for those of you who live under a rock) and I've tried to stay neutral.  When my boss and I are working during the weekends in the fall, he brings his mini TV and has all of his game watching planned out for the day while he reviews work.   I get most of my footbal that way.  TP is a pro-football watcher. 

Did you play any sports in high school?

Unless burning gas, drinking and kissing boys was a sport, then no, I did not.  I was on the Quiz Bowl team.  And I was a master spades and uno player.  I was also on the yearbook staff and was the editor my senior year.  I took pictures from the sidelines of the football games for the yearbook and I loved it.

I'm way too uncoordinated to be a cheerleader or play basketball (even though the Jr. High coach stalked me because I am so tall).  And those were basically the only things open for girls.  They had a tennis team (for the way cooler than me kids) and a golf team (only one or two girls ever played), and I was never interested in either.  I was on the flag line all through Jr. High and a couple of years in High School.  I played the flute. 

and, most importantly...

When are you heading a few miles north so I can enjoy some of those margaritas with you?  :)

Not soon enough sister, not soon enough.  Maybe closer to Thanksgiving when I am less busy at work.  When are you coming here???

And now for the illustrious Silly Hily's questions:

Does your family read your blog?

I have told my brother about it, but he doesn't read it.  I guess if my sister was a regular computer user I would tell her.  I don't think my Dad would really care, he would be shocked(!) (shocked! I tell you!) at some of the things and curses I chose to share.  I wish Nan could read it.  I think she would like it, and she wouldn't care what I wrote, it would be great just because it was me. 

Do you have any brothers and/or sisters?

A younger one of each. 

Will you really not blog at all during tax season?

It will be the only tie to my sanity that I will have left.  I'm sure posts will start slowing down when I'm working the two or three 100 hour weeks that inevitably occur, but other than that, if I have to blog while I'm in the bathtub, I'll manage to do it.  My posts will probably consist of a long string of one letter becuase I will have fallen asleep on the keyboard.  And who am I to deprive you of that?

Ever been arrested?

See previous post...

Do you wish you could change anything from your past?
If so, what would it be?

I have been extremely lucky in that the any bad choices I have made have not been of the life altering variety.  Other than saying some choice words to a few people instead of keeping my mouth shut, I think I have fared pretty well. 

What size shoe do you wear?

A ginormus, yet extra skinny, size 10. And I have about 60 (maybe more?) pairs of shoes.   

Ever danced on top of a bar?

No, I only dance if I am super, super, beyond drunk, OMG! I can't feel my teeth! drunk.  And I get that way very rarely.

Also, I don't really care for bars all that much.  I never have.  I didn't do the club scene or pub crawls.  My birthday is very late, so everyone had gotten it out of their system by the time I was 21, and my college was in a dry county (like all college counties in Arkansas) and Little Rock was 30-45 minutes away. 

And that, my friends, concludes another addition of "Get to Know This Crazy Beyotch."

Stay tuned for the final installment later this week.  Brought to you by: Samantha Jo Campen and the letter W!

Next!!

Amy W wants to know the following:

Every toilet papered a house? 

I don't think I have.  I have shoe polished cars in the dead of night.  But I think that's it.  Mainly because I'm a total wuss and have to be in bed by 10:30 or I turn into a pumpkin.  A giant, pink pumpkin.

I do have a friend who bought 5,000 forks and "forked" a hated teacher's yard.  One of the pre-determinded designs was C/O 95 (class of '95) and the dumb ass who was in charge of that section did C/O P5.   

Ever peed somewhere other than a toilet?

I'm not sure you can find a Southern girl who can truthfully answer no to this question.  I have gone in fields, off the side of trucks grasping a muddy tire well, and in the river.  One particularly memorable night, me and some friends were going muddin' (if you do not know that this is an activity that passes for Friday night fun in small farm town, USA then I can't help you) and we got stuck.  We were also drinking.  The boyfriend of my friend had to strip down to his underwear in December and wade through the mud to get to a tractor to pull us out.  It was about a mile away from our truck.  While we were waiting, smoking furiously and drinking, what I'm sure was Zima with some Jolly Ranchers in it or some Early times whiskey and coke, My friend (also named Kelly) and I had to pee.  The driver was a guy best friend type of both of ours.  We opened the door (the mud was about 4 inches from the bottom), and he held one hand and turned his head while we used the other hand to hold the "Oh, Shit!" handle and pee out the door of the truck. This is why I keep napkins in my glove box to this day.  Because I always had to pee on backroads in the dead of night.  I always wondered what the farmers thought when they were driving along and saw a wad of napkins in the middle of the road.  I was never so drunk that I peed on myself though.  When we had parties out in the boondocks, there was a designated "pee spot" outside the reach of the firelight and car headlights.  If we were close enough we went to Exxon or McDonald's and tried not to stumble.  And then we cruized though Brookhaven Shopping Center, Wal-Mart parking lot and Sonic again. High school, *sigh*.

And one serious question - are you having more kids?

Yes.  As many as I have the room and money for, maybe four or more.  TP and I always said that we didn't want kids ( I also said I didn't want to get married, go figure).  I had been raising my brother and sister for a long time, and TP had been raising himself.  We had a few dogs, and we were happy.  We both babysat a lot, and kept the church nursery every Sunday.
Then we talked about it some more.  We had both pretty much changed our minds, and decided that we wanted to have them, and were in the planning stages of a baby when I got pregnant.  It's the best thing I have ever done.  Sometimes God has a different plan for you, and I wouldn't trade that tax season munchkin for ANYTHING in the world.  We are truly blessed.  We may feel differently in a few years, because he may turn out to be hell on wheels, but motherhood/fatherhood is the best thing that God has ever graced our lives with, other than each other.

Amy W, I love you and read you but I can't comment becuase I have no blogger account anymore that is not tied to my google account, you don't allow annon, but I'm reading and you should just pretend like I am commenting, because I really am in my head.  Totally supportive and witty and cute like.

More Than You Ever Dreamed Of..

1.  How did you meet your husband?
TP and I went to the same college in Arkansas, UCA.  He was two years ahead of me, and had a girlfriend when I started school (who wore puffy headbands and Keds).  They broke up because she was a total psycho, and he started hanging out with me and my friends.  A lot of drinks at an end of semester party later, and we've never been apart since.  He swears he was going to ask me out, but I'm not sure I believe him.  He came to Birmingham to get his PhD. and I followed two years later when I graduated. 

2.  How old are you (I think 30?)  How old is he?  How old is Mr. Cheeks?
I am 28, TP turned 30 this year.  His birthday is exactly one week after mine.  Mr. Cheeks will be 6 months old on September 16. 

5.  Ever been arrested?
I almost got arrested on CHRISTMAS FREAKIN' DAY several years ago.  In August, my sister was in a really bad place and Kendall was going to be two in November (he'll be five this year).  She wasn't going to school or paying the insurance on the car TP and I had bought for her so we had to take it back.  She called us and asked if we would take Kendall with us, and we did.  It was a bad situation all around, with the constant power struggle between us, and TP and I had no legal custody of Kendall.  He stayed here with visits from her and us going to Arkansas several times over the months.  At Christmas, my mother was supposed to take him to Arkansas with her when she and her husband went back, but she wouldn't do it because my sister didn't have a phone.  Mom really wanted to push the issue.  My sister, the dad, and a thug they drug along to drive them (oh, yeah, no driver's licenses) came and tried to snatch him up and run out the door.  My dad was here and blocked them in and the neighbors called the police.  Since our lawyer was waiting until after Kendall came back from Christmas break to file custody papers, we had to let him go.  The policeman who came wanted to take us all to jail and if he could have found a reason, I think he would have.  We didn't have to go, and I didn't see my nephew for months. Meanwhile, she got pregnant again.  And I almost got a divorce. 

7.  Ever smoked? 
God, yes.  And I L-O-V-E-D it.  I started in high school and quit in college when I had a breast reduction.  The plastic surgeon said he wouldn't operate while I smoked because my nipples might fall off.  So, I chose nipples.  Then I started again when I moved to Birmingham and stopped again when I found I was pregnant.  I plan on keeping it that way.  (Did I mention I loved smoking?  Cause I did. TP still does and it stinks.  But I loved it, a lot.)  My Nan smokes, TP smokes, my Dad smokes, my sister smokes.  And I have quit. 

8.  Where did you go to college?
University of Central Arkansas in Conway, Arkansas.  I graduated from Honor's College in August of 2000 with a degree in Accounting, and I graduated from UAB (University of Alabama at Birmingham) with a masters in accounting in 2002.  I passed the CPA exam, many dollars and hours later.  Note:  It helps if you study.

9.  Where have you traveled (since you didn't play along with the maps earlier)?
Nowhere out of the country (unless you count Mississippi).  I wish I had.  TP and I will do that someday. 
We have been to Hawaii twice, one of those times we got married there. I've been to Texas, California, Colorado, Kansas, Indiana, Washington, D.C., Virginia, Georgia, Florida, Oklahoma, Nevada, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, and Maryland.  And Disneyworld.  Isn't that a state? 

10.  Where did you honeymoon? 
We got married and then stayed in Hawaii for the next 4 days.  We were there for week.  It was the best decision we ever made.   It was way cheaper than a real wedding and the people who we were important to, saved their money and came with us (TP's Dad and his wife decided to un-book their trip because of SARS).  My friend Melissa and TP's pool playing buddy, his wife, son and their babysitter attended.  We didn't have to do anything except show up.  We bought TP an outfit at Tommy Bahamas and he rolled the cuffs up since there was not enough time to hem them.  It was perfect.  I had a real dress, but it wasn't anything fancy.  I'll post some pictures when I can get my scanner hooked up. 

11.  How long were you married before you had Mr. Cheeks?
Our three year wedding anniversary was April 26 and Mr. Cheeks was born on March 16th.  We have been together for 10 years this December, but only married for three because TP is a slow poke.  We lived together the summer before I moved here for good because I had an internship, and when I moved back we moved to a bigger apartment, and then bought a house, all before we got married. 

12.  Had enough yet?
Oh, hell no!  I'm off to the next ones tomorrow, hot stuff!  Bring it on! 

The Nosiness, it is Sweeping the Nation

Well, at least all my friend's blogs. 

So hit me with your best shot.  Fiiiiiiiire Away! 

Ahem.  Sorry.  Slipped into 80's mode for a minute there...

Anyway, I'll answer just about anything.  If it's applicable, I'll even post pictures.  Submit your questions today!  And tell all your friends where I am!

Because nothing says love like sharing intimate details of your life with (sort of) complete strangers! 

I think this is a perfect way to inaugurate my new space.  Way better than peeing on the rug. 

Could I put any more exclamation points in this post!?  </Chandler Bing voice>