Mrs. CPA

Sports Night

At some point I became delusional and thought I could play sports with all the other coordinated kids.  I was wrong.  I distinctly remember swinging a bat and spinning around, and listening to people chuckle in the stands.  I guess I did it because everyone else was.  Peer pressure so young? Hell yeah.  Look at my poor teeth.  I just wanted someone to like me.

Exhibit one:

It was all about the colored ribbons to tie up the shirt.  Because it was so hooooooootttttttt.  I have no freakin' clue who TDR is.  It may be the margaritas.  It may be old age.  It is probably fumes from too many grosgrain ribbons so close to my face.  And yes that is a leftover mullett.  I believe you may be able to see my tie -died socks.   Don't be a player hater because I was so cool.

Exhibit two:

Dog Tags are the predominate feature here.  They may have been my boyfriend's. You know the one you looked through the fence at during recess?  That one.  Did you have those (dog tags, not an 8 year old boyfriend)?   Look at those poor Kevas beaten within an inch of their lives.  THEY HAD SNAP IN TRIANGLES IN DIFFERENT COLORS that were a bitch to change.  But there were two sets of shoe laces.  I was so cool.  And the tight rolled pants.  I was rockin' it. Hard.

Exhibit three:

Ah, finally the braces.  And the perm.  I think there are some visible slip-on Keds.  Very obvious I was not hard core with cleats.  Rolled up white shorts.  WHO THE HELL WEARS WHITE SHORTS TO PLAY SOFT BALL?  Apparently me.

Exhibit I've lost count becuase I've had three drinks, which I can apparently count drinks just not pictures:

This was my brief foray into cheer leading.  As you can see I was on the green team.  We sucked major ass.  All the cool kids were on the Red team.  I don't think the green team won one game the whole season.  It wasn't for lack of trying though.  Or lack of cheering.  Or lack of cheer leading coaching by our cheer leading sponsor, who wore house shoes with the heels broken down to all the games. It was pure class.  Sort of like my hair.

Tomorrow - transformation into the quiz bowl team winner and valedictorian.  Instant turn-around - and who would have guessed with my stunning mullet and athletic skilzs.

A Very Unfortunate Choice for a Party Indicator...

Exactly what kind of party is this going to lead me to?

We are so high school...

 

Only Two More Days

NaBloPoMo is over in two days.  As much as I like blogging, a post every day has sometimes been hard.  Tonight, my head feels like the asteroid on Armegedon.  Without the benifit of Bruce Willis and Ben Afleck. 

So here are some pictures from my trip. 

This is what you get when you let a five year old run off with your camera.  Pictures of piles  leaves. 

This is Walnut Lake, the bayou that was right across the street from where I grew up.  In the summertime it's down to a trickle, due to its use as an irrigation source.  We used to see people sitting on five gallon buckets fishing in it.  I would be surprised if any actual fish were ever pulled out of here.  If there was a fish, it probably had 4 eyes and 2 tails from all the farm chemicals.   

Mr. Cheeks playing with some 1970's toys that my Nan still has.

And here he is trying a Banana Popsicle.

That's about all the coherent sentences I can string togethter right now.  Tune in tomorrow for more words, possibly ones that make sense.  No guarantees though. 

PJ's, TJ and The Throw Ups

My mother is dog sitting for the week, which means her dog is at our house

In our PJ's.  TP was appaled I would actually wear my house shoes over there.  Mr. Cheeks didn't seem to mind one bit. 

He had supper:

   

And read some catalogs:

He played with TJ:

"I would like something on page 8 in a size big enough for a 175 pound Great Dane, please, or I will be forced to eat you."  (TJ had just had his supper, which consisted of several pounds of raw chicken.  Some days he gets pork loin, and some days he gets chicken liver.  He sleeps on his very own crib mattress, on sheets with a higher thread count than the ones on my bed.  He also has a treadmill, and his stud rates are about what I make in two months.) 

TJ didn't really care for the picture taking. 

It was probably my poorly manicured toenails that drove him away.

The dog sit-ees have three dogs.  TJ, Mae, another great dane and Dixie, a 40 pound mutt.  Last time my mom was the dog sitter, they had four dogs, but Pearl, who was sort of old and arthritic, died while she was there.  The owners were in Florida.  "Hi, this is Kelly's mom, and your dog just died..."  She had to get some employees from the owners' business to come and put Pearl in the back of the grocery van and take her to the vet for cremation.  "Welcome home, here's your dead dog's ashes..."

Once we got home, TP and I had a couple of things to do before I could put Mr. Cheeks to bed, so I popped him in his exersaucer and I heard him playing.  A few minutes later I came back and his face said, "Holy shit, what just happened here?!?"  His supper was proudly displayed all over the exersaucer, the floor, and him. (You'll be happy to know that I resisted the urge to grab the camera.  "And he's what he looked like the first time he threw up, future-daughter-in-law, look at the artistry!")  So we cleaned him up and put on new pajamas.  And he did it again.  And again.  The poor thing had no idea what was going on.  The whole process of changing clothes would have been made much easier if I had folded the mountain of his clothes that we have been shuttling between the laundry basket, his bed and his chair. 

We have been throw up free since then.  I have no idea what prompted this spell of food regurgitation.  But it's stopped, and I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Particularly one that could cover me with undigested prunes and bananas. 

Stop... It's Pumpkin Time

When I was kid, we never carved our pumpkins until the night before Halloween.  Where we lived, they would turn to mush in a matter of days so we waited as long as possible to cut into them.  I can remember being so excited sitting on the newspaper covered floor thinking about what I was going to do that year with my vast expanse of orange canvas.  And how proud I was to sit on the front steps with my brother and sister, my smile as wide as the jack-o-lantern's, my arm around my creation.  After Halloween, we would go to the un-guardrailed bottom-of-a-boxcar bridge and ceremoniously dump them over the side (this was also the repository for Easter eggs after they had been hunted to death.) 

I got pumpkins on Sunday and my mom "held" (and by held, I mean controlled his wiggles for as long as she could) Mr. Cheeks while I cut out the bottom and pulled all the guts out.  This is one of those things that I hope our family can share until Mr. Cheeks and all his siblings go off to college.   
I can't wait for him to reach in and pull all the guts out himself.   He liked feeling the gunk I pulled out and also wanted the pumpkin to have a taste of his passie.

We also decided what Eleanor would be for halloween:

A pissed off dog with some fisher-price beads around her head.  Can you see the quiet fury in her eyes?  I'm sorry to say big girl, but this will probably be one of the many indiginites you have to suffer at the hands of a child.

TP was absent because he had to keep the nursey at the church for a meeting.  When I called to ask him to pick up a Coke for my mom on his way home, I tried to convince him that I had cut off my finger while carving the pumpkin.  I lost it though, when he said, "how bad?" and I said "like, the whole finger."  I was going to tell him that I was preserving it in some milk until he got home, but I was laughing too hard. 

The whole set is here.   

A Day Late, and a Dollar Short

Like always.

One year ago, yesterday, I sat at my desk, went to Blooger and started this blog.  Then I talked about bacon. (I had bacon twice today, and no I'm not pregnant.) 

My sporadic attempts at posting tapered off in December and I moved on to bigger and better things, like more bacon and tax season.  Then I had a baby. (I can hear the collective internets now, *Gasp!* "I had no idea, since you never speak of this child!")  I came back to the blog world and found a community, friends from which I have grown to eagerly anticipate each new word from, even one of my college professors, and a plagiarizer (my claim to fame semi-recognizability).  As I look back through my archives, there's a lot of fluff there.  So readers, in the coming year, I promise to be more substantive in my posting and think deeper thoughts, and oh hell, who am I kidding, I'm going to be talking about the same shit I always have.  But it's still going to be funny (It is, right?  I hope it is.) 

Merry Blogging to all and to all a good ...Weekend? 

Whatever.  Happy Blogday to me. 

Ha! You thought you were getting away without any pictures didn't ya?  Fooled you...

Ice, Ice, Baby

Too cold, too cold...

I know I am busy, but I thought I would let you all have a glimpse of my new tee shirt.  It's sort of distorted, you'll just have to work around the boobs. 

Every accountant needs one of these!  Buy one for the accountant in your life, today!

(Can you tell I'm drunk on the "I've been at the office too long" drink?  When our secretary came in to work today, she caught a homeless man pooping behind our building.  Nothing says "Good Morning!" like homeless man ass.  It's almost as bad as the bookeeper smoke break that resulted in seeing gay sex on our back ramp.  We're moving soon.)

 

Things I Am Thankful For

That I left myself two glasses of wine yesterday: 

Cute sleeping babies (with a dirty toe):

The Magic Shell I bought at the grocery store last night:

That I can leave the door open and let the cool night air in and the dogs can drift in and out:

My laundry doing husband (who needs a haircut)(And did not pose for this picture.  I think I hate his photogenic self a little):

Obligatory "Mommyblogger" Content

And:

I got a scanner for my "birthday."

In the comments of my last post, Silly Hily asked for more pictures of Mr. Cheeks. 

And I'll be damned, I just happen to have a couple that I think you will be enthralled with. 

But first, I feel the need to disclose that my "new" haircut is, in fact, recycled from April 26, 1984, which is also my wedding anniversary. Coincidence?  I think not. (not married in 1984, just on April 26.  I don't want anyone to think I was a child bride or anything, and with this haircut and outfit I'm not sure anyone would make that mistake.)

So, here's the Emperor of Mouse Teething Cloths relaxing in his royal chambers with his fluffy lamb and his fluffy momma. 

(Pay no attention to the weird red face-ed-ness.  The Emperor has sensitive skin.)

Also, when I need to have a few drinks in peace blog, umm, check out the newest research on brain development in children , I let him try and feed himself.  Then the dogs lick him off and put him to bed. 

 

  And in 1983 I was a Smurf for a dance recital (that's my dad and his afro in the background).

 

I have not forgotten about you.  I swear I'm coming back.  Probably on Tuesday. 

Now, Back to our Regularly Scheduled Program...

So, this week I have been working my fingers to the bone.  I am wearing the numbers off the ten key over here.  Lest you think that all I do is surf around the Internet being Princess Plagiarizer Catcher, here are some other EXCITING! NEW! DEVELOPMENTS!

Maggie Mason Likes Me.  And wrote in her book 'specially for me. 

Well, actually, I paid her 18 something dollars to like me, but if she knew me don't you think she would have done it for free?

These four little words brought a tear to my eye. I know she wanted to say more, but didn't want to play favorites...

And guess what?  You are going to have to be subjected to some of the ideas in this book.  If you want one for yourself, you may get one here.  (And you SHOULD get one, because Maggie's be-here-soon baby will be needing lots of cool baby stuffs, and you should help facilitate the spending.)
I read several sections while I was waiting on a haircut, and while I have already spewed forth some of the prompts, there are plenty more I haven't, some that Blogger ate, and some that are too smart for me. 

Did you catch that haircut reference?  After the jump...